Conversations on the Couch with Diana Kirk

Diana Kirk is a citizen of the world, embracer of different cultures, the heart and soul of the Kirk'n'Dopps, successful business woman and author of the soon-to-be-published Licking Flames - out in mid-June. She's also a self professed whoaman. You can follow her on Facebook here.

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Photo credit: Roca Yan Photography

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

To have a longer attention span. I get bored easily by projects, people, hobbies. I wish I had just one passion such as writing that I could adopt for years and years and hours and hours until the words that slid out of my mouth were of a quality I respected.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Stop screaming. Seriously, stop screaming for the betterment of the world.

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

First of all, happiness is a moment to me. Something that comes and goes. I feel it the most when I’m with people that accept me for who I truly really am and can then turn around and make fun of me as well. Where we laugh together in all of our flaws and dirty underwear. Those moments are when I’m so comfortable, I can let go for a bit, without thinking, without being “on” for other people’s amusements and be a part of something else. And why doesn’t this make everyone happy? It probably does. Maybe they’re not at the same stage in life as I am. A place filled with contentment. Perhaps they’ve had recent bumps in the road that make them perceive happiness as something one must feel at all times when really, they’re trying to stuff some sunshine in a ripped asshole in hopes it fixes it. We all know that doesn’t work. The rebound fuck, the shopping spree, ice cream gorge…entire movie scenes that don’t fill those holes and we all know it by the closing credits. I don’t have any gaping holes right now therefore the moments that make me happy are small and probably insignificant to other people that have more space to fill. The goal is that maybe, one day, they’ll be happy with the small moments too. We could probably all agree at that time that the same thing makes us all happy (or content).

Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Absolutely not. Everything on this planet is up for challenge and without it, we’d all be bored out of our damn minds. I sometimes crave unquestionable faith as in religion because to question everything, is exhausting. I wish sometimes I could just do what people tell me to do, but I think I’d eventually get bored. I’d find ways to make life exciting in a non-healthy way. Probably with drugs or men or a case of depression. I mean, what is truth? You ever played telephone as a kid? That game alone explains how ridiculous the idea of truth is. Trying to get two people to do the same thing at the same time with the same information is near to impossible. Including telling the truth. We all project. We all have our own experiences that taint truth so therefore, to believe in truth is to have a blank mind, and I don’t have one and neither do you. So use it, challenge everyone, challenge their truth, challenge yourself. Life is somewhere in the middle. And it’s juicy and unfair and sticky and technicolor rainbows. That’s the truth. Trust me.

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Go swimming naked in the ocean. My husband and I spent a lot of time in a small town in Spain called Cadaquez. The coast is filled with hundreds of rocky inlets and we’d naked snorkel from one to another chasing colorful fish. Burned our butts in the Mediterranean sun. It was really fun and felt so good to be outside that free.

What are you pretending not to know?

This question makes me nervous, but I’m gonna say it anyway because you asked. I’m pretending to not know how much people hurt. I do it all
the time. I pretend I don’t see it because I find it exhausting. My town is covered with homeless youth. My friends are suffering from depression, bad
marriages, doing drugs they don’t think I know about. I’m pretending to not see it in order to sustain my own personal strength. I’m exhausted by life and taking on more people’s “stuff” is not something I want. So I pretend I don’t know about it all, that I don’t see people hurting. Basically, I’m a douchebag. I feel like a douchebag for not helping more or being more compassionate.

In what ways are you being perceived you feel are misunderstood?

I’m perceived as a lot of things because first, I’m a woman. Then a Mom. Then a business owner. And even a writer. I’m also opinionated, intelligent, intense, witty and sometimes confident. The world, as it is now, isn’t really comfortable with all that. We say we want strong women but we would prefer them to be strong funny women such as Lucille Ball or Amy Schumer. We’re more comfortable laughing at something we don’t understand. When I meet a man or a woman that is not confident with themselves, I usually have to use humor to get them to understand that I’m going to have thoughts that might not align with their own. I’ll use some sort of self deprecating line to make them feel better, “but what do I know, I’m just a Mom.” But sometimes, I’m not in the mood to humor. I won’t do it. And I can just see it in their eyes, they’ve decided I’m a “bitch” because I can be contrary. We as a culture haven’t quite figured out what to do with women that can speak their mind, stand their ground and yet still nurse babies and have periods.

It’s an interesting time in the United States for we have a woman running for President right now. She’s been in the American public eye for over thirty years and nobody in our country has been able to decide if we’re going to crucify her as a whore or as a dyke or as a leader. So we do all of it. And she
must stand there in front of a crowd in heels with mascara trying to satisfy people’s perceptions of what a woman would look and act like as the President of the United States. An unprecedented position. In a lot of ways, strong women on all platforms previously occupied by the male gender, are doing exactly the same thing and perceptions are still up in the air. It’s like the jury is still out deliberating on whether or not we as women, will act like the strong, opinionated men before us or reinvent a new vision of what a leader looks like. In the meantime, we fear what we do not understand and fear tends to breed a lot of hate.


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